


5 Reasons Stony Doesn’t Work: Or Black Widow and Negative Reinforcement

by jehall2



Category: Civil War Team Iron Man - Fandom
Genre: AGAIN Not Steve Friendly, Bad Boyfriends, Civil War Team Iron Man, M/M, Mind the tags!!, Not Natasha Romanoff Friendly, Not Sam Wilson Friendly, Not Steve Friendly, Not Thor friendly, not wanda maximoff friendly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:35:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27419647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jehall2/pseuds/jehall2
Summary: Why Stony really doesn't work, or 5 ways that Steve Rogers would have been a really bad boyfriend for MCU Tony.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 111
Kudos: 448





	1. The Report

“Hey,” Tony smiled as he walked up to Steve and took his hand sweetly.

“What’s up,” Steve smiled.

“Not much. Got a few minutes before the meeting with Pepper and the Board. So, you know,” he shrugged with an easy smile. “Whatcha looking at there, Cap,” he grinned, trying to look at the file that Steve was reading.

Steve looked uneasy for a moment.

“It’s the SHIELD file that Nat wrote about you. The one they gave me on the helicarrier,” Steve finally replied.

“The one with the footage,” Tony asked nonchalantly, like SHIELD, and Nat in particular, hadn’t gone out of their way to immediately sour Steve’s opinion of Tony.

“Yeah,” Steve replied.

“I’m curious, because I didn’t really read it when Fury handed it over to tell me that I wasn’t really a part of the team,” Tony paused, looking up at Steve, but he looked more uneasy than angry at Tony’s comment. “Did Nat mention that she encouraged my behavior at the party? Or that I was dying from heavy metal poisoning, which impairs your decision making abilities?”

Steve stared at Tony, his mouth hanging open.

“No,” he said finally, clearly shocked.

“Did it mention that Stane wasn’t just my business partner? He was my godfather too. Did you know? He was a more positive influence for me growing up than Howard really. I never would have suspected him of something like dealing under the table or working with terrorists,” Tony added shaking his head.

“No,” Steve gaped, horrified.

Tony stepped into Steve’s arms and let the soldier hold him for a minute.

“Will you talk to Nat about it,” he asked, his face buried in Steve’s neck.

“About what,” Steve asked, with a chuckle as Tony nuzzled him, his beard tickling a bit.

Tony stepped back suddenly and looked at Steve seriously.

“The deception that she and Fury pulled at the start of this. Everyone’s opinion of me is being shaped by that document, which clearly leaves out important mitigating factors. You HATED me at first, Steve, and only part of that was how I acted on the helicarrier. And a lot of that was a distraction so I could pull a fast one on Fury and figure out what he was up to with a very dangerous artifact,” Tony said sharply.

Steve looked troubled for a bit.

“Maybe it’s better to forgive and forget,” Steve asked, unsurely. “We’ve got to work with Nat still, after all.”

“Steve, I think maybe she believes that stuff she wrote about me even though she knows it was only partially true. It’s a trick that lots of spies use. They have to truly, believe in the stories they tell in order to beat lie detectors and survive interrogations effectively without giving up important information. I grew up surrounded by agents and spies. I know how they work. And I know that the others still think all the info in that file is accurate. Clint gives me funny looks a lot,” Tony shrugged. “So . . . will you talk to Nat . . . and the others?”

“Like I said,” Steve said as he pulled Tony back into his arms. “It’s probably better to forgive and forget. Let’s just move on. I’m sure it’s not as big a deal as you’re thinking.”


	2. The Fall of SHIELD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What Sam thinks of Tony and why.

Sam stared at the Black Widow and Captain America, both sitting on his living room couch! They looked a mess with torn clothes, dirt and scratches littering their skin, and confused, hunted expressions on their faces.

“I’d love to help you. I mean, you’re Captain America,” he said with a shrug, trying (and mostly failing) to hide the awe he felt at exactly who and what Steve represented. “I’m just not sure what I can do?”

“I looked you up,” Widow said. “You were a Falcon test pilot. We can get you in to get those wings. Then we have a few things we can all take care of,” she said with a smirk.

“Those wings didn’t make it passed the testing stage. My partner,” Sam said haltingly, “Riley, he was killed. There was a halt to put in some extra protections, but Stark quit selling weapons before the project was completed. They’re Stark property,” he shrugged.

“He won’t say anything,” Widow shrugged. “We’ve got Stark under control.”

Sam noted the uneasy look that Steve gave the Widow, but neither said anything about her comment.

“OK.”

Two hours later, they had a basic plan in order. There were a couple of issues though.

“You’re going to release ALL of that security information on the Internet?! You know that once that cat is out of the bag, there’s no putting it back, right? I mean, sure there is a lot of Hydra info in that, but what about all of the other info—agent files, things that keep our nation secure during peacetime and if we have to go to war,” Sam asked uneasily.

“It’s the only way,” Steve said, with a look at Widow.

“But, man. Tony Stark is maybe the best hacker in the world. I know he could cut through all that and release the stuff that needs to be out. Why risk all of the others,” Sam asked pleadingly.

“We can’t be sure his communications aren’t being monitored,” Widow said without batting an eye, but there was something darker going on.

“But, the helicarriers,” Sam added. “You’re talking about dropping them out of the sky,” he paused for effect, “onto D.C.!”

“We’re all aware of the implications of these decisions, Sam,” Widow explained in what Sam would describe as a soothing (placating) voice.

“Steve, Tony Stark designed those carriers. Everyone knows that. He could keep them from even lifting off, save hundreds of thousands of lives,” Sam begged.

“Sam, please understand. We just can’t risk it. Yes, maybe bringing Tony in could save hundreds of lives, but if anything goes wrong, Insight is set to take the lives of millions all over the world. Sometimes you just can’t save everyone. War means making sacrifices.”

“You’re telling me you don’t trust Iron Man, though, Steve. And soldiers make those sacrifices, not civilians,” Sam added.

“I do trust Tony, for most things,” Steve said with a look to Widow. It was clear that conversations had happened when Sam wasn’t around. “Look, Tony doesn’t understand those types of choices. It’s not his fault,” Steve pleaded.

Eventually Sam agreed, but he was quite sure of one thing. For some reason, Captain America didn’t trust Tony Stark to do the right thing. The Black Widow clearly agreed, and Steve did seem to trust the spy. Later, Nat (because, of course, she was Nat after what they went through together) gave him Stark’s file. It explained a lot.

Sam side-eyed the couple as Stark wrapped his arms around a shaking Steve Rogers.

“It’s ok,” he whispered to the super soldier. I’ll take care of everything. I wish you’d let me in on this, though, honey,” he added in a pained voice. Steve stayed silent.


	3. Time in Between

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve Rogers and Tony Stark LITERALLY live in different universes (most of the time).

A hand reached over just as Tony sat up, startling out of yet another nightmare. 

“You ok,” Steve whispered groggily.

“Yeah. Yeah, just give me second,” Tony wheezed, clutching at his chest even though the arc reactor had been gone for months now.

A lot had happened since the fall of SHIELD. Steve had asked Tony to step up and take over the funding for the Avengers, and despite Pepper’s VEHEMNT opposition to this decision, Tony had pitched it to the board as a temporary measure—and they had accepted (good press for the company).

Steve also began leaving for long stretches, looking for something that he couldn’t (wouldn't) talk to Tony about, joined only by the Widow and Sam Wilson. 

Sam Wilson was a funny case. He always seemed to be judging Tony for some reason. Tony had gifted the Falcon Wings to Sam, describing the extra features he had added for safety and to enhance the pilot’s personal skills as he had listed them. Sam had simply looked at him and said. “Great, but please call me Wilson,” and walked off. No thanks, and his tone bordered on downright rude. Tony didn’t really understand . . . until Wilson had gone off to whisper with Widow. That explained it, then.

Steve was unavailable for long stretches of time now. In fact, when the whole Mandarin thing happened, not only did Steve ignore Tony’s increasingly frantic calls, he wasn’t even aware that Tony had been declared missing (dead) until months after the whole thing was resolved. Rhodey’s and Pepper’s looks at the First Avenger were getting increasingly dark.

And Steve certainly wasn’t there for the nightmares.

“That’s the fifth night this week, Tony,” Steve said, a mix of worried, groggy, and complaining.

“I know. I know. It’s just New York. The wormhole. And then the Mandarin,” Tony added and sighed when Steve closed his eyes in obvious sorrow and guilt. “I’m not blaming you, honey. It’s just all adding up, you know,” Tony added, consolingly.

“And I haven’t been here for you at all,” Steve whispered. Tony didn’t reply. What could he possibly say?

"Maybe we should take a break, after the upcoming mission, the search for Strucker's base," Steve asked, rubbing Tony's shoulder.

"Yeah, that sounds good. . . .I miss you," he added quietly, after a bit. But Steve was already asleep again.


	4. Thor or Things Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It all goes downhill

It was like a scene out of one of his nightmares—well, a new nightmare to add to the growing set, maybe. Metal bodies were strewn all over the Tower floor. Clint, Nat, and Sam Wilson were huddled together on the edge of a couch that had miraculously not been tipped over. Rhodey was helping up Cho, who had hidden in an inconspicuous corner behind some (now broken) furniture. Steve was standing in the center of the room glaring at Tony like he hated him, his chest heaving—and since they hadn’t really seen each other in a while, it hurt more than he liked to admit. Bruce was wiping anxious sweat from his brow just behind Tony. And Tony was staring forlornly at the remains of Jarvis, who meant more to him than any person alive today.

Suddenly he was shaking and laughing hysterically. He knew it was inappropriate, but he just couldn’t handle this. Jarvis was gone!!

Everyone stared as Thor marched up, lifted (baseline human) Tony up by his throat, shook him a bit, and said something about him knowing what kind of monster Tony was. Widow and that damn report strike again.

“Use your words, buddy,” he wheezed, eyes rolling. Thor dropped him after a moment, and Tony lay their shocked. Steve was watching like he approved of everything Thor was doing and saying. Rhodey hadn’t even stepped in, and suddenly it was the infamous palladium poisoning thing all over again. But there was no Jarvis to console him anymore.

Tony looked behind him where Bruce was standing quietly. Tony was dumbfounded. These people were supposed to be his teammates, his friends! Steve was his lover.  


Tony had pulled Barton’s butt out of the fire and offered him a place to stay outside of SHIELD after Loki when everyone looked at him like a monster. He got no judgment from Tony. Tony had given Nat a second chance after the palladium incident. A third chance after that stupid report, and then he had pulled her butt out of the fire along with Steve after what she pulled with SHEILD. Steve might not really be aware of the just how catastrophic their decision was to post all of that secured information on the web, but Widow was more than well aware. She had been looking at multiple treason offenses and was well on her way to being the first execution for treason since the 50’s and the Rosenbergs before Tony had stepped in on her behalf. And Tony had provided Bruce with a sanctuary where he could study and experiment to his heart’s content. He was safe from Ross for the first time in years, and Tony hadn’t said anything when Bruce had condescendingly told him ‘he wasn’t that kind of doctor’ when he had gone to him as a friend to talk, missing Steve and having no one to lean on at the moment just after the Mandarin.

Yet here they were, watching as Thor threatened and attacked him. Nevermind that both he and Steve had given the go ahead to study the scepter before it returned to Asgard. Bruce didn’t even mention the fact that he had gone along with Tony’s decision. He was an adult and a prominent scientist after all. If he had truly disagreed with Tony’s methods, he should have refused at the time. No one challenged his integrity.

But it was Steve that hurt the most. He had done everything he could to help Steve settle in the modern world. He was his lover, for crying out loud!

Tony was in shock. Steve didn’t even reprimand Thor, he just pointed out that they had other things to worry about.

Rhodey came up alongside Tony once everyone began to take action. He was staring at the lost, confused look on his friend’s face.

“You ok,” Rhodey whispered.

Rhodey cringed back a bit when Tony looked at him. He was reminded starkly of the young teen who just couldn’t understand why people treated them as they did.

“Thor,” he said simply, and Rhodey closed his eyes regretfully.

“I’m sorry, Tony. I was too shocked to even act in that moment. It’s more Jarvis than Ultron, to be honest. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing,” Rhodey said sadly.

“Jarvis,” Tony moaned, and Rhodey pulled him into his arms. Rhodey stared accusingly at Steve who was standing in the corner, eyeing Tony distrustfully with no thought of comforting the smaller man. Just one more mark against him.

Later, at Clint’s farm, Steve made certain to ask for a separate bed after their fight outside. When Steve attacked Tony on the word of the Hydra agent that had set the Hulk loose on Johannesburg as he was trying bring Vision online, Tony wasn’t even surprised. After everything was over, he was even less surprised when Steve approached him to get the girl off the hook for her past transgressions, citing Tony’s involvement in the weapons that killed her parents (as if that was a good reason to become a Nazi terrorist and risk the WHOLE WORLD to get revenge. As if Tony hadn’t specifically told him about Stane and how his godfather had tricked him when he was young and impressionable). Rhodey stood beside Tony and stared at the Captain implacably as he told Tony they were putting Wanda on the team for the help she had provided in fighting Ultron, and that she would be moving into the Compound. Rhodey sneered at the Captain when he said that he would be moving out of the Tower and into the Compound as well.

“I just need a little time,” he whispered. “You shocked me with this, Tony,” Steve said, shaking his head (as if he hadn’t woken up beside Tony suffering from horrendous nightmares on those rare occasions when he wasn’t out searching for—whatever). Sam stood by, barely refraining from sneering at the billionaire while Nat smirked.

“She showed me you . . . dead,” Tony pleaded, reaching for Steve, but Steve stepped back. Maximoff hadn't even denied her part in Ultron’s creation. She had gleefully described the vision she had given Tony explaining that he, alone of the Avengers (she had added with a straight face. But Bruce was GONE. GONE. GONE), deserved to suffer.

“I know,” Steve said softly. “And that’s why I’ll come back to you,” he said reassuringly.

Rhodey sneered openly at the Captain. He was certain there was another reason. SI and the Maria Stark Foundation (At Tony’s behest) were still the primary funders of the Compound and all Avengers missions, mysterious missions that Steve called for with little explanation and often with only Widow and Wilson by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ultron was a sucky movie for me. First, I'm an inappropriate, hysterical laugher. I read comments all the time about how awful Tony is in that scene when he laughs while looking at Jarvis's "body"--but that's my coping mechanism too, and almost no one understands it. I had to leave my grandfather's funeral when I started laughing hysterically. I've never been able to cry for some reason. People judged me, but he raised me like his own daughter, and the disbelief that he was gone just flooded through me in a way that I couldn't physically handle. Please don't judge someone if they seem to be laughing in unacceptable situations. It may be their only way to cope.
> 
> I've also always felt bad for Tony in Ultron, in part, because adding Wanda like she had no part in Ultron despite being a henchwoman through most of the film and having PURELY malevolent intentions when Tony takes the scepter as she weaves red around his head like a psychopath, was truly callous since Tony funded the Compound and then left (alongside Bruce who was hurt more than most by her actions). And whatever she did at Hydra before, was CLEARLY never addressed (no harm no foul, I guess. Sorry if you were the ones she helped torture and kill. Sorry about your bad luck!). MCU didn't give Wanda redemption in the story; they gave her a pass and created a HORRIFIC plot-hole that challenges Steve, Nat, Clint, and even Vision as credible heroes as a result.


	5. The Accords or That's All Folks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everybody has a limit.

This was the first time Tony was seeing Steve since they had taken their break, though Steve regularly contacted him to reassure him that he was thinking of him and still loved him, that he just needed a bit more time to process everything. Then he’d go on to describe how well “Wanda” (she’d always be Maximoff or the Scarlet Witch to him) was settling in and raved about the budding romance between Vision (Please, No! Jarvis would be SICK!) and the young girl (WHY did he INSIST on infantilizing the woman?). It was a bit much, honestly. And Rhodey’s comments about Steve were openly hostile by this point.

“You brought Ross with you,” Steve said in hostile surprise.

Tony stared.

“I didn’t “bring” Ross, Steve. He’s the Secretary of State and he called a meeting, which we have to attend to avoid being labeled as mercenaries or vigilantes. My funding of the Avengers is temporary. A private organization CAN’T legally go on missions in either the U.S. or around the world like the ones the Avengers do. That has always been the case,” Tony sighed as he walked past Steve.

The time away from Steve, away from their relationship, was opening Tony’s eyes a bit. He was suddenly remembering that Steve had refused to speak up on his behalf to the team about Nat and that stupid profile. He expected Tony to forgive and forget.

Steve never talked to Thor about attacking Tony. He expected Tony to move on.

He never apologized for attacking Tony, for raising hands against his lover. Yet, he expected Tony to understand the Steve needed time to process. What exactly was Steve processing? Everything seemed hunky dory on his end of things. Tony was beginning to realize that since he had gotten into this relationship, things had been decidedly one-sided. Steve asked for things and gave nothing back. Tony had experience with those types of people. He had just never thought Steve Rogers would be one of them.

“Alright, that’s enough,” Steve ordered the Secretary of State, as if he had the authority to do that. Heaven forbid the Witch have to see and accept the damage that she caused with those ill-gotten powers. Steve liked to draw comparisons between himself and the young woman. Tony had considered drafting a flow chart that reminded the Captain about the relationship between the Axis and the Allies and where the Nazis fit in that schema.

“Then you retire,” Ross was saying as he left the room. Tony continued watching, rubbing his head at the tension headache that was building. Everyone was going back and forth, but accomplishing nothing.

Tony gave his bit on missionary Charlie working in Sokovia and bantered back and forth with Widow a bit. Of course, she would understand they had no choice with this. They were being informed about how things were going to be, not asked if they approved.

Steve left. It was only later that Tony found out it was because of Peggy’s funeral. She was the saintly past lover (though Tony personally thought that was a STRETCH) that could do no wrong. 

“Every time I think you’ve finally got it right you do things like this, Tony,” Steve yelled (heaven forbid I use the substantially larger brain that I have, Captain America).

“I’m trying to stave off something worse,” he cried. Steve was SO naive. It’s why he fell for all of Widow’s stupid ploys.

“You keep telling yourself that. Here. I’d hate to break up the set,” Steve said flippantly. Tony gritted his teeth. How had he ever cared for this man?

Later, he would see footage of Steve flirting with Sharon Carter. Later he would see footage of Steve kissing Sharon Carter (And Steve was clearly taking nostalgia into different and FAR less healthy territory).

And then Leipzig. And, of course, Widow is Widow. And Rhodey. He HATES them all, but Steve clearly knows something. Clint, that bug man, and Wilson all make judgmental remarks about him being a traitor, as if he was ever anything but loyal to them in the past. As if they ever treated him as a teammate. As if he OWED these people any loyalty now. He was just sick of it.

Tony was going to find Steve and take care of whatever this was all about, and then world security could just SUCK IT. He was taking a vacation.


	6. Epilogue: The Death of Stony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's no coming back from something like this--even in fanfiction.

“Did you know,” Tony asked. After, lying in a completely broken suit while he waited (hoped) for rescue, Tony would reflect on the fact that not only had Steve lied, he hadn’t even felt a bit bad about it. 

Evil bases are funny things. They have VERY good security (it’s how he caught the Witch out after Ultron), and the footage would give high definition detail of Steve’s COMPLETE and total lack of reaction to Howard Stark (Steve’s great friend!) having his face bashed in, and his dying plea completely ignored by the murdering assassin in favor of choking Howard’s beloved wife out. 

Later, Tony would watch in high definition, noting (somewhat bemusedly) that neither Bucky Barnes nor Steve Rogers—who had both benefited from Howard’s money and gear not unlike the Avengers had benefited from Tony’s—were both completely ignoring the very dramatic death scene of their pal Howard in favor of side-eyeing the poor orphan. Didn’t that say a lot about those two paragons of truth, justice, and the American way?

“Tony, he’s innocent,” Steve had breathlessly argued as he clutched at Tony’s arm.

Well, Bucky Barnes (the poor little lamb) felt solid enough to take aim at the grieving, betrayed orphan with his stolen semi-assault rifle when Tony took his (rightful) swing at that bastard, Steve Rogers.

Still, Tony wasn’t a murder.

‘Maybe Captain America IS a murderer,’ Tony thought in horror as that stupid shield came down a final time. Why was he constantly being screwed over because of Howard and his stupid legacy?

Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, and for some completely unfathomable reason, the King of Wakanda wandered off into the sunset together while Tony slowly froze to death and hoped the internal bleeding wasn’t as bad as it currently felt.

Letter to Steve:

Steve Rogers,

You are unequivocally the worst thing that has ever happened to me (and I include both Obadiah Stane and the Black Widow in that statement). You are a manipulative user, and abusive boyfriend that is completely devoid of any sort of human empathy (that’s where you consider how other’s might feel and actually care).

If the Avengers were my family, I would consider them the crazy uncles in the basement that you NEVER tell anyone about.

Consider your gear and funding defunct. By the way, you’re not getting that shield back. I melted it down (it was great for learning to synthesize vibranium using Starkanium). You’ll find that all gear that was made and given to the Avengers by me will have self-destructed by the time you receive this (And I hope you were all wearing it at the time).

I’ve pulled any legal support that was ongoing, which means that—whether locks can be replaced or not—you, the Widow, Wilson, and Maximoff will likely be doing some hard time for international terrorism in Lagos, Romania, and Germany very soon without some SERIOUS legal representation.

But maybe you can afford good lawyers, what with your new benefactor? That’s good, because Pepper is handling the civil suits against all of you guys (and she recommended an awesome divorce lawyer for Mrs. Barton). 

If you could pass it on to T’Challa, I’ve also decided to put synthetic vibranium on the market this Fall. The fabricating possibilities are limitless. Why, very soon, it will be like the WHOLE world is benefitting from vibranium (what a novel concept—and all from the mind of a colonizer!). His highness might be a little concerned at the SUBSTANTIAL loss in revenue, but I’m sure he’ll be distracted as he concentrates on de-programming your new boyfriend, Barnes. The BARF could already do that, of course, but I’m sure that the genius princess of Wakanda will think of something in the next few years . . . or eventually (let’s be realistic, medical testing takes time, genius or not).

As for the Accords, I don’t particularly care that you didn’t agree with me (that happens in relationships), but just as a tip, the world does. Enjoy being a fugitive. If you need me, don’t call. I don’t care.

Unsincerely Yours,

Tony Fucking Stark


	7. Bonus: Steve's Reaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve gets Tony's letter.

Steve stared in horrified shock at Tony’s letter. 

Tony had sent this letter along with an envelope of ashes that included a post-it note that read “I gave it all of the consideration it deserved”. He had also received a box full of the pieces of the burner phone he had sent Tony.

T’Challa was pretty mad about the burner phone. Steve didn’t like to think how mad he was going to be once he passed on Tony’s message. And he would, because Steve was a good and honest man that didn’t keep secrets—unless he ABSOLUTELY had to. Well, maybe T’Challa didn’t need to know about it yet.

He looked brokenly down at the letter crumpled in his hands.

Sure Steve loved Peggy. He REALLY loved her, as in the kind of love that you read about in fairytales. Sure they had never kissed, or talked for more than a few hours at a time in between missions with the Commandos (Peggy wasn’t in the warzones after all). Sure they never had a date, but what they had was Real. He wasn’t blind to the fact that he had something real with Tony either, though.

Tony wasn’t Peggy. He never could be. Someone like Peggy was a once in a lifetime opportunity, but Tony had been a good second choice, um . . . second chance. He was incredibly patient with Steve. He took care of Steve (and the bedroom was no exception). He made sure that Steve could do what he wanted—no needed—to do. Money was no object. Gear was no object. He did all of the glad-handing that Steve DESPISED. What more could Steve want in a lover.

“What’s that,” Bucky asked, coming over and sitting beside him. Steve sighed in relief. Bucky had said unequivocally that he would be going back into cryo until his programming could be removed (that was another reason that Tony was the perfect lover), but Steve still had a couple of days with his best friend until everything was prepared.

“Letter from Tony,” Steve sighed forlornly.

“Stark,” Bucky asked in surprise. “Why’d he write you?”

“They’re dating,” Wilson said to Buck’s bemusement.

“Well, and I sent him a letter first,” Steve admitted.

“What,” the others all cried out in shock, but Bucky still looked honestly confused.

“Wait, back up. You’re dating Stark,” he asked incredulously.

“Well, we had been on a break, but we never officially broke up or anything. Tony’s not the kind you let get away,” Steve added. He looked surprised when Clint and Nat just smirked at each other. They had no intention of letting their mark get away.

“Steve,” Bucky interrupted. “You kissed that dame right in front of me and Wilson,” Bucky said. He looked even more confused when Wilson just snickered.

“Finally getting some action from someone worth something,” Sam said with a shit-eating grin. Sam and the others were pretty disgruntled with Tony. Their gear had gone up in flames one day about a week ago. Nat’s and Wanda’s suits had actually melted onto their skin. The last of it was just now coming off.

“What’s that,” Bucky asked, pointing at the pile of ashes in the envelope.

“It came with the letter,” Steve grudgingly said as he handed over the post-it. Bucky guffawed.

“Bucky,” Steve complained. This was serious.

“Steve,” Bucky answered with a funny look in his eye, “you didn’t think you were getting back together, did ya?”

“Of course,” Steve said in surprise as Nat nodded and Sam and Clint smirked. Wanda just looked at her nails, indifferent—she had another rich benefactor after all.

“Steve, you lied to him, and then we beat the shit out of him and left him for dead,” Bucky cried.

“You were a part of that,” Steve reminded indignantly.

“Yeah, well I’m your friend, not his. And I certainly wasn’t sleeping with him and living off his dime at the time. I couldn’t even get you to let me buy you new shoes back in the 40’s. What happened to that guy,” Bucky asked, wondering when Steve changed so much.

“Well it’s different. Tony’s my boyfriend. That’s how relationships work,” Steve said.

Bucky side-eyed him for a long moment.

“And who explained that?”

“Well . . . Nat,” Steve said simply.

Bucky gaped.

“Steve, you know she’s trained Red Room, right? A glorified honeypot?”

Sam sat back and thought for a moment. Steve sat back and thought for a moment. Clint sat back and thought for a moment, but was still mostly indifferent. Wanda didn’t bother thinking because why should she. Nat just shrugged, because she never said anything different. Men are just stupid and gullible. Captain America is no different.

“Oh shit,” Steve said.  
**  
One week later, after working diligently alongside Sam as Bucky watched on sardonically, Steve sent Tony a second apology. It was really good, and very sincere—completely different from the first letter.

**  
One week later Steve got another envelope full of ashes. There wasn’t even a post-it this time.

Steve stared forlornly at the pile of ashes. It was a fitting metaphor for the only relationship he’d ever had.

Nat looked at the pile of ashes, eyes wide. "Oh shit."


End file.
